I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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