All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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