When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
