I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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