hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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