So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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