hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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