Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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