I just cut my nipple shaving
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
