My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
