Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
