Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
