Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
