your parents love me but you hate me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
