The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
