I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
