final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
