She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
