is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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