It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
