After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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