Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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