4 words: hood of his car
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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