Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Let's get the cat blown out
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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