I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
