I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
