I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
