I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Come see our sink grown plant.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
