He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
