the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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