Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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