My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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