I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
