hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
