The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
