He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think my moral compass just broke
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
