Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
