Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
