So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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