she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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