Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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