I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
