my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
