i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
