I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
