When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
