he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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