I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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