and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
