He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
