Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Text me some of your sweat
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