The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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