My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
