Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
