I am midnight drunk by noon
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
