It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
