Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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