On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
