New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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