i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
