My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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