pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
