and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
