I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
