After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All the doctor said was why
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
