What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
