I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I need moral support for this bender
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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