I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
