So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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