You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
