Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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