I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize