North Korea, Best Korea!
dude i'm inner monologue high
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
