remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
