I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
