Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
