Your face is a jimmy john
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
